I’ve been flirting with the edge of a DDS (depression death spiral) lately and have not really felt like myself. I’ve also been slacking with the binaural beats, so that’s probably a factor (if you buy that kind of thing). So, I went away this past weekend to Miami to kind of “reboot.” Just get away from my disappointment for a while. I’d never been to South Beach before, it was really fun. And gorgeous. And not at all like I expected it would be–I guess I was bracing myself for more of a greasy cholo/a, semi-jersey shore vibe. Not the case. South Beach was beautiful, and the people were very nice. It was a good decision. It was vibrant. The sun, the sky, the sea. I found myself wishing to be there with someone I loved. It would have been a good place to go with someone you love. But love has not been kind to me and so no matter how much I want it, now is not the time. Love cannot be the goal.
I got back Sunday afternoon, but didn’t even touch my coding until Monday, and even that was nothing substantial. I tweaked some of my older CodePen projects and messed around with my website mock-up for my mom’s friend (who wants to use my design, btw!). But mostly, I just watched Netflix and–I hate to admit it–cried. And I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I was sad, I am allowed to be sad. I let myself be sad and I felt a little better the next day. Sometimes the bullshit piles up and you’ve just gotta purge.
Today I started and finished working on my FCC Wikipedia Viewer project (which I fucking nailed, by the way). It’s basically just an app that pulls from the Wikipedia API in response to a search query, and also has a button to generate a random article. So if I typed “lady gaga” into my search field, I would get a list of 10 lady gaga-related wikipedia results right there in my app. Pretty cool, huh? The design from concept to execution took about four hours, but most of the time was spent on the design. I made it pretty minimalistic and let me just say, minimalistic may look simple and clean but writing the code for that shit is anything but simple. Mad respect to the seasoned coders out there who’ve got a firm handle on this shit. For real. It was infuriating.
I’m still scanning the interwebz for any type of tech job that I may qualify for–although it feels like I’m just throwing my resume into a void at this point. I’m gonna have to do some research on good tech resumes and see if I can spruce mine up and make it a little more appealing in the digital sphere. I also plan to spend some time working on my portfolio too, which is arguably more important than a resume since you’re literally showcasing your work. All projects on an ever-expanding to-do list.
So, yeah, I’m still kind of on shaky ground, DDS-wise. When I got home from Miami I cleaned out my phone Contacts list (including notRelevant), and bit the bullet and finally unfriended him on Facebook, as well. He doesn’t even use Facebook that much, the gesture was more symbolic than anything else really. I also gave my phone a facelift with a new theme and other customizable stuff. It’s the clean slate thing. Sometimes it’s just easier to just start from scratch than to redact the bad parts from your life. Hence, my moving to California in the first place, before meeting notRelevant. Hence, me initiating this completely terrifying but overwhelmingly exciting career change.
I really want this tech thing. Coding. Web development. Web design. I want it. I want to have something useful. Something I can constantly learn. Something that will change and grow with me. Something reliable and comfortable. Computers don’t change their minds. You get what you put into them.
Maybe if I put myself into this I’ll find myself on the other side.
Until next time, later nerds.